laughs with car's

[Big Ian]

:happy: come on let's see your stories.. :inquisiti
:inquisiti what weird thing's have you used a car for?

the reason i thought we might get some laughs about this is:
while talking to a mate today he reminded me of when i use to do "chinese delivery's" in his Shadow 1 Roll's Royce and how i never ever got any tip's from folk when they saw the car i was using, use to get a good laugh at some folk though /yes like the woman who saw the roller sitting across the street and before she payed for her meal she got her kid's to go see who in her street was getting married!, another woman started shouting at her husband for not putting her roller in the garage?... a few minutes later she noticed it was white, her's was gold /pan and when i had a 4.2 daimler i went to a door and got no answer?... started walking away and a top window opened and a guy shout's out "huw mate iz at the chinky meal"..... /yes .....he then open's his door and say's "thank fek fur at!, thought yae wiz a debt collector" :rolleyes4

come on let's hear your funnies due to a car....(ive a few more :rolleyes4 )

[WildCards]

When I was younger I got chased though town in the wee hours by a (petrol engined) milk float after i'd 'helped myself' to a bottle of milk from his stock. I was in a Fiesta Van 1.3 8v with two mates and was very surprised when i struggled to get away from him.

Also, in the same van took a for sale sign from a mates parents house in the night, drove through town to pitch it outside a another mates house. That was a funny phone call in the morning.

Other than that nothing but silly speeds at silly times, burnouts, a little drifting in the wet. Not as grand as yours Ian, but hey.

Of course i've learnt my lesson now and am nothing but the epitomy of sensibleness.

[nicki]

I nerly had my son in the back of our beemer two years ago, through the 8.30am rush hour traffic.

Talk about a push

[Big Ian]

another: but not so funny at the time one

my mate and i got stopped by 2 beat police for "playing tig with car's!" he was in his 240z and i was in my 3ltr essex powered mazda 323 :leer: ... :-policema police look his car over then after 10 min's :inquisiti tell him to go, then my car's turn O crap's (only insured as a 1.4) :-policema pop your hood son...(at this point i started smelling a hint of the brown stuff :rolleyes4 )"a bit large for a 1400?", nah officer it's a Jap car!...they alway's look big for what they are, :-policema .."you got a log book and insurance?" yes officer /yes...."OK sonny i let you off with a warning :leer: this time, but if i ever see you doing this kinda stunt again YER DONE!"... to which i get in my car and drive of like a sunday driver :smug: , half an hour later i thought i'd kick the backend out and go down a street sideway's /yes rather chuffed i was :smug: perfect tail out action stop's at the stop sign with cloud's of smoke all around my car which cleared away to a sight of two copper's clapping their hand's and shaking their head's and shouted at me to "just go home,PLEASE"...oops!

went straight out the next day and got it insured proper :happy:

[strapping young lad]

not really a car story but a few years ago i was driving my dad's tractor up a road, which went over a hill, and halfway up this hill there is a layby

in this layby was a montego

in the montego was a duvet covering the front seats

when i slowed down i saw this half naked man do me the v's ( i also honked the horn)

aww he must have been tired and pulled over for a kip ;)

[Big Ian]

in the montego was a duvet covering the front seats

when i slowed down i saw this half naked man do me the v's ( i also honked the horn)

aww he must have been tired and pulled over for a kip ;)

:inquisiti sure their wasn't a female under the cover to?

right i'm off out with my misses /Handbag (16yr wedding anniversary treat :smug: ) so when i get back home in the wee small hour's i hope to see lot's more funny car related stories :thumbsup: and if anyone fancy's a drink we'll be in the "Bar Budda" in Dumbarton most of the night :chugchug:

[Kieran]

My mother in law is a lovely woman, but she is a bit dizzy...

A bit of background, their cat (see here (http://www.clubvr4.com/forum/showpost.php?p=78758&postcount=14)) likes to sunbathe on top of their car when it's parked on the drive. He trots up the bonnet and settles on the sunroof (He's tried this once on my car and suffered the consequences) /grr

Anyway, when Val goes out and he's sat on the car, she simply taps him and he wakes up and moves.

One day she forgot.... :embarasse

Story goes that she'd backed off the close and was halfway down the estate, wondering what the hell the noise was that the car was making. It wasn't untill she jabbed the accelerator, heard a kind of bumping noise and saw a certain Siamese slide off the rear of the boot doing a Superman impression that she remembered...


(for the benefit of cat lovers, this all occoured sub-10mph and Dennis was unharmed, if a little indignant about the whole affair)

[Physician]

10.30 p.m. ........ last orders. Out to my 2 seater Jensen Healey parked next to a coned off road repair area.

Always wanted one of those flashing orange lights so picked one up and threw it in passenger seat. Now the whole inside is flashing orange and as I sit in the drivers seat ........ two coppers walk around the corner ahead of me.

Sheeeeeeet, can't find any on/off switch so have to rip off my jacket and wrap it up. Coppers couldn't have seen it luckily as they just walked past me.

Later at home I eventually found a tiny hole that you poke a paperclip or pin through to switch it off. :embarasse

[Physician]

Story goes that she'd backed off the close and was halfway down the estate, wondering what the hell the noise was that the car was making. It wasn't untill she jabbed the accelerator, heard a kind of bumping noise and saw a certain Siamese slide off the rear of the boot doing a Superman impression that she remembered...



LOL, poor cat, hahahha! :thumbsup: (serves it right!)

[The Vee]

Ok, I confess to being slightly strange :embarasse but anything that goes bang always makes me laugh, louder the better. Baloons popping, malfunctioning fireworks, and the look on the guys face when he saw the shreds of his pushbike tyre when inflating it with a car inflater at a garage!!!
But many years ago, My work colleague had an old Austin J4 van which was well past it's prime. One of his favourite tricks was to turn off the ignition whilst still moving in gear and then turn it back on again. The resultant bang from the fuel dragged through on the "over-run" was always guaranteed to have us in stitches plus the look of the unsuspecting was something to be believed. Then the big one. Approaching Reigate from the North, there is Reigate hill to go down which must be just over a mile long and I believe about 1 in 8 in places. Yes, he turns it off at the top, and we roll all the way down in gear. When he turns the ignition on at the bottom........................Well, you've never heard anything like it. We had to stop as we are now both crying with laughter and the van sounds awfull. I then lean out the door to see if we've blown the exhaust. We've blown it alright, I fall out the door, hysterical, trying to tell him there is no exhaust to blow. Just the manifold!!!! Never did find any remains of the pipe. Sadly, I'm giggling now just thinking about it, an that was 30 odd years ago. What a bang!!! /help /pan :embarasse

[psbarham]

Ok, I confess to being slightly strange :embarasse but anything that goes bang always makes me laugh, louder the better. Baloons popping, malfunctioning fireworks, and the look on the guys face when he saw the shreds of his pushbike tyre when inflating it with a car inflater at a garage!!!
But many years ago, My work colleague had an old Austin J4 van which was well past it's prime. One of his favourite tricks was to turn off the ignition whilst still moving in gear and then turn it back on again. The resultant bang from the fuel dragged through on the "over-run" was always guaranteed to have us in stitches plus the look of the unsuspecting was something to be believed. Then the big one. Approaching Reigate from the North, there is Reigate hill to go down which must be just over a mile long and I believe about 1 in 8 in places. Yes, he turns it off at the top, and we roll all the way down in gear. When he turns the ignition on at the bottom........................Well, you've never heard anything like it. We had to stop as we are now both crying with laughter and the van sounds awfull. I then lean out the door to see if we've blown the exhaust. We've blown it alright, I fall out the door, hysterical, trying to tell him there is no exhaust to blow. Just the manifold!!!! Never did find any remains of the pipe. Sadly, I'm giggling now just thinking about it, an that was 30 odd years ago. What a bang!!! /help /pan :embarasse
i must confess we did the same with a mates mini , the amount of fuel that a pair of 1 1/4 su's on a 1000 cc a series pump through is quite staggering especially when most of that fuel sits waiting to do its job in the exhaust down pipe, well the clamp that holds the down pipe to the manifold decided enough was enough at the moment we turned the ignition back on , well the bang from the xhaust trying to return itself back to its component parts combided with the rear of the car returning to earth after the exhaust dug in to the road was quite imppressive , for some reason the 'mate' didn't think it was as funny as the rest of us , i can't think why though :huh2:

[marmel31]

I went to a show in New zealand and thought I'd save myself $7 on the entry fee by parking my 1979 Series 1 RX7 really close to the fence so I could boost myself off the edge of the roof and jump over the fence. Well I under esitmated my own downforce when leaping and put a football sized dent in the side of the roof, cost me $150 to fix. I was about 110kg at the time, should have known better. :embarasse

[Physician]

...........Well I under esitmated my own downforce when leaping and put a football sized dent in the side of the roof...........

Hahaha!

And you've reminded me of a night of passion with a nurse I met one evening. Summer time - and we ended up naked on the bonnet of my Jensen Healey way out in the country.

It was black and I just couldn't believe the mess it was in when I saw it the next day in daylight. (Dents all over it).

There was a final irony to this story ......... some 3/4 years later after I had got married, my wife was in hospital giving birth to our first daughter. At some time in the evening the Sister looking after my wife said her shift had ended and she would introduce me to the Sister taking over .......... you guessed it - the nurse from the night of passion. Out of earshot of my wife she said, "Jesus that could have been me in there!" :embarasse

[bradc]

my only funny story (which wasn't too funny) was when someone at a petrol station filled up my mazda 323 with diesel. I had just said fill it up, and went into the petrol station and found some of my favourite snack foods, then went up and paid for it. I knew it should have been about $30 or so, but the person at the counter said it was $22 it never struck me as that odd (diesel was about 50% of the price of petrol back then). Anyway, so I got in my car and started it and moved about 2 feet forward before the car stalled, and all of a sudden it occured to me what had happened. I got out of the car, yelled at the person on the forecourt, and luckily found out the car had a drain on the bottom of the fuel tank, I opened it up and let about 30 litres of diesel go all over the forecourt. They were telling me to push the car away, and onto the grass, I just told them to go **** themselves. After I got all the diesel out I flushed it out with about 5 litres of petrol, still with the drain opened, then shut the drain and filled the car up with petrol, then drove off without paying for the petrol ;)

The car smoked for about an hour, and it drove like crap for about a week!

[Spirit]

During the early stages of dating an old g/f (not Shaz), we were both in the mood for a bit of "you know what" but it was before we were comfortable doing it in her parents house (as their room was next to hers).

So, we decide to pull over into a field near the house. At the time I had a Capri, so was a little awkward to manoeuvre. Also, it was January, and bloody cold. So, once I done my business, and with my jeans still around my ankles, I decide to open the car door and dismount ungracefully to tidy myself up.

Step right into a bloody great muddy puddle and fall a$$ over t*t aswell /grr

The worse bits were to come, as my shoes, jeans, legs, jacket were now sh1t high with wet mud I had to :

1: Try and explain a valid reason for my condition to her parents when I dropped her off and asked to use the bathroom.........in the end just told them the truth and they thought it was hilarious !
2: Spend hours the next day cleaning the damn car out
3: Found out we'd bust the passenger seat in our excitment, and from that day forth it would not recline again properly

And before you ask...........the sh*g wasn't worth it :rolleyes4

[bradc]

I guess you should have owned a Legnum back then? :D

[Physician]

LOL Pete :thumbsup: :inquisiti

[Xeroid]

My ex-wife took the car to pick up a kitten, decided she would pop out to see her Aunt kitten and all. Left Aunts place and lost kitten inside the car, it disappeared up inside the dash area. She had visions of munched up cat in the engine bay ( she didn't know about firewalls etc ) so drive back to the Aunt where her Uncle spent about an hour trying to extricate the kitten till it finally popped up through the ashtray hole in the top of the dash !!. The poor cat was run over by a car about 18 months later .. !!

[Earl]

While in the military didn't have much money but HAD TO have a car. Bought a 40 Ford 2dr. sedan that had seen much better days. It took most of what I was making just to keep the beast running. Was on a date one evening driving down the freeway and the beast starts filling up with smoke. Got real bad real fast, couldn't see and gagging on the god awful stench. Safely got to the side of the highway and had to pull smoldering carpet out from the passenger side. Took a few minutes for the car to air out before we get back in and drive away. Seems the battery box had rusted away, battery slipped loose touching the firewall causing sparks that came through a hole in the firewall igniting the carpet. Got rid that beast a short time later and bought my first motorcycle. When I got the motorcycle I soon discovered an amazing thing - MOTORCYCLES ARE CHICK MAGNETS. :smug:

[WildCards]

MOTORCYCLES ARE CHICK MAGNETS. :smug:

I'll have one on order in the morning. :thumbsup:

[Big Ian]

:thumbsup: :laugh: some good one's so far, but i bet their are a few folk reading through these saying to themselve's......ive a good'n but i'm not embarasing :embarasse myself!
if their are any folk thinking this /pan "your amongst freind's ;) .... /Wyhy let's be avin them?

when i worked in a garage, we had the same wee old lady come in about 6-7 time's with the same complaint about her mini city and every time one of us in the garage took it for a drive and :inquisiti all was well?
her problem was this: once it heat's up it die's at junction's and has no power, it just toddled along? /Hmmm so after her 7th time with the same problem our boss say's "tell you what luv, take me a wee run /Steeringw and i'll see if i notice it with you driving :smug: so they go over to her car, get in and.....they never got out the forecourt :huh: our boss come's back and she drive's off.
then our boss explaine's: "she got in the car, started it, put on her seatbelt then......pull's out the choke handle and hang's her handbag onit! /duh , she said it save's putting it on the floor :rolleyes4

[WildCards]

pull's out the choke handle and hang's her handbag onit! /duh , she said it save's putting it on the floor :rolleyes4

/pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan /pan

[ANTHONY]

a few years ago i was a london bus driver. and one day we managed to get 2 new heating radiators from a building site in london and carried them home on the bus. all the passengers were complaining so we said they were lost property and we had to had them in. these were big radiators so they was right to complain........... but we got away with it