How many..............

[the_boy]

Vietnam veterans does it take to change a lightbulb?
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Answer = 2
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Huh?
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That's cos you weren't there man! INSERT INTO post VALUES (said in an exasperated American accent)

LOL I love this joke......................sorry :D

[the_boy]

Did you hear the one about the man who was found drowned in his apartment face down in a bowl full of museli?

The police reckoned he was pulled down by a strong current!

.................................."I'll get me coat" :nono:

[the_boy]

Or the icecream man who was foud dead in his apartment, covered in hundreds and thousands, monkey's blood and had a flake sticking out of his arse?

The police reckoned he topped himself...........:gun2:

[ReggieK]

:D You're on a roll. Keep em coming. :D

[the_boy]

I know, but I wanna see tomorrow :eek:

Did you hear the one about the dyslexic devil worshipper?

He sold his soul to Santa.........INSERT INTO post VALUES (runs for the hills). Not my finest hour :thumb2:

[Brind]

I think perhaps a good nights sleep is in order mate. ;) :D

Here's one for ya:

Saddam Hussein's doctor called a meeting of all the Saddam look-alikes and told them,
"Men, I've got some good news and I've got some bad news.
The good news is Saddam is still alive.
The bad news is he lost an arm and both his legs."

[the_boy]

Oh dear.........:uhoh:

[Brind]

Okay it was alittle sick..:D

[SGHOM]

OK!! and even worse ......... just found out my local sperm bank is paying £200 per donation !!! cant believe how much money I've just let slip through my hands !! :D :D

[the_boy]

Hey! You'd be making money hand over fist...................:D

[zedy1]

:lolz: r u guys soned today

[Kevin Jones]

Talking of dyslexia
The dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac.....used to lie awake all night wondering whether or not there was a dog!!

[the_boy]

Read this earlier on and before I start I just want to apologise for any female readers

My wife and I have the secret to making our marriage last:

Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companionship. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Glasgow and mine is in London

I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!". So I bought her an electric chair.

Remember.... Marriage is the number one cause of divorce. Statistically, 100% of all divorces started with marriage.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?".... I said, "Dust!"

Why do men die before their wives? 'Cause they want to'