NevGroom
19-01-2007, 02:56 PM
This new Harry Potter film is all well and good but I can't help thinking it's all a bit far fetched. I mean how many schools do you know of where there's a ginger kid with two mates?
I never thought I would see a woman become Prime Minister of Britain. And I was right. On the eve of Margaret Thatcher's election victory in 1979, I looked at the sun through a pair of binoculars.
I'm sick and tired of women droning on and on about the pain of childbirth when they have access to any amount of pain relief. Where was the nurse with the gas and air or the epidural needle when Andrew Skelfington kicked me in the balls with his big hobnail boots in the school changing rooms in 1978?.
My dog may not be able to count to ten or say "sausages" like the dogs on Esther Rantzen's "That's Life" but it can certainly hold its own in a fight against a badger.
They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School An@l that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents.
Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes last summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British.
Why are huntsmen so upset about the recent ban on hunting foxes? They should paint one of their dogs ginger and hunt that instead.
Whenever I buy a DVD I have to sit through a trailer telling me not to watch pirate movies. Yet Johnny Depp stars in one and the posters all say 'Must See'. Make your minds up, Hollywood moguls.
I was at a wedding yesterday, and the vicar said - I kid you not - "Don't be embarrassed to touch your rings if it gives you pleasure." No one understood why I laughed out loud.
You often hear people say that "Blood is thicker than water". Well I've got both coming out of my @rse right now, and to be perfectly honest I can't feel any difference.
The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods?
With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw@t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.
I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
Why is it that pubs wont serve me if Im drunk, but McDonalds continue serving fat people? Its hardly fair.
I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
These do-gooders are now telling us we shouldn't hunt elephants. Perhaps they'd like to explain where precisely we're going to get our ivory from?
'ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania', says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing bastuds
We are police vice squad officers, that is to say porn cops, and our favourite breakfast cereal is Corn Pops.
Do any other readers have favourite breakfast cereals that are spoonerisms of their occupations?
I never thought I would see a woman become Prime Minister of Britain. And I was right. On the eve of Margaret Thatcher's election victory in 1979, I looked at the sun through a pair of binoculars.
I'm sick and tired of women droning on and on about the pain of childbirth when they have access to any amount of pain relief. Where was the nurse with the gas and air or the epidural needle when Andrew Skelfington kicked me in the balls with his big hobnail boots in the school changing rooms in 1978?.
My dog may not be able to count to ten or say "sausages" like the dogs on Esther Rantzen's "That's Life" but it can certainly hold its own in a fight against a badger.
They say "you can't judge a book by its cover". What nonsense. The last edition of High School An@l that I bought featured a young lady stuffing a big one up her bomb-bay on the front page, and this turned out to be an excellent indication of the contents.
Hats off to the England cricketers for their achievements in the Ashes last summer, which rightly earned Andrew 'Freddie' Flintoff BBC Sports personality of the Year. Winning a two-team tournament against a nation with a much smaller population once in every ten attempts, then never shutting up about it makes me proud to be British.
Why are huntsmen so upset about the recent ban on hunting foxes? They should paint one of their dogs ginger and hunt that instead.
Whenever I buy a DVD I have to sit through a trailer telling me not to watch pirate movies. Yet Johnny Depp stars in one and the posters all say 'Must See'. Make your minds up, Hollywood moguls.
I was at a wedding yesterday, and the vicar said - I kid you not - "Don't be embarrassed to touch your rings if it gives you pleasure." No one understood why I laughed out loud.
You often hear people say that "Blood is thicker than water". Well I've got both coming out of my @rse right now, and to be perfectly honest I can't feel any difference.
The government says that there are nearly 50,000 people with HIV in Britain, a third of whom do not even know that they have it. Is it just me, or is it a bit harsh that the government know and haven't told the poor sods?
With reference to that series "Manhunt" where ex-Special Forces soldiers try to hunt down Andy McNab. Why don't the producers include a couple of Iraqis in the hunting team? They found the tw@t quickly enough the last time he played hide and seek with them.
I never worry about the destination when I'm going on holiday. My dad is Iranian and my mum is Irish, so I spend most of the time in customs.
On the BBC website, I read with interest that some scientists in Australia have discovered the smallest fish known to exist. They've obviously never been to the Britannia Chippy on the Gloucester Road.
Why is it that pubs wont serve me if Im drunk, but McDonalds continue serving fat people? Its hardly fair.
I was shocked to hear Home Secretary David Blunkett say that Britain's prison population has been ballooning for the past ten years. My God, has the world gone mad? Those people are there to be punished, not to be given 'thrill of a lifetime' experiences that most law abiding citizens can only dream of.
These do-gooders are now telling us we shouldn't hunt elephants. Perhaps they'd like to explain where precisely we're going to get our ivory from?
'ONE pound a week will supply water for an entire village in Tanzania', says Oxfam. So how come United Utilities charge me twenty pounds a month for my three bedroom semi? The fleecing bastuds
We are police vice squad officers, that is to say porn cops, and our favourite breakfast cereal is Corn Pops.
Do any other readers have favourite breakfast cereals that are spoonerisms of their occupations?