Nursery Rhymes

[bernmc]

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
The structure of the wall was incorrect
So he won a grand with Claims Direct.


It's Raining, It's Pouring.
Oh sh*t, it's Global Warming.


Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.


Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
"What have u got there?"
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.


Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.


Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie
kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the boys came out to play
he kissed them too cause he was gay.


Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.


Mary had a little lamb
Its fleece was white and wispy.
Then it caught Foot and Mouth Disease
And now it's black and crispy.

[Throbbe]

Sing a song of sixpence
A pocket full of rye
Four and twenty blackbirds
Baked in a pie
When the pie was opened a shrivelled blackbird spat
"Alright lads, a jokes a joke, what roten sod did that"

[fatmikenz]

Old mother hubbard
went to the cupboard
to get her poor dog a bone
but when she bent over
her faithful dog rover
gave her a bone of her own !

Mary had a little sheep
and with that sheep she went to sleep
the sheep turned out to be a ram
and mary had a little lamb !

[I-S]

Mary had a little lamb,
It had a touch of Colic.
She gave it brandy twice a day,
And now it's Alcoholic.

[ANTHONY]

Mary had a little lamb she also had a bear.
i'v often seen her little lamb
but i'v never seen her bear

[SGHOM]

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
Every time she took it out
A doctor tried to..... put it back in again.