They've sussed me !!!

[SGHOM]

This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline which was transcribed from a recording monitoring the customer care department. The employee was consiquently fired after the incident (now I know why they record these conversations!).

Helpline: "Ridge Hall computer assistance; may I help you?"

Client: "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect."

Helpline: "What sort of trouble?"

Client: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away."

Helpline: "Went away?"

Client: "They disappeared."

Helpline: "Hmmm. So what does your screen look like now?"

Client: "Nothing."

Helpline: "Nothing?"

Client: "It's a blank; it won' t accept anything when I type."

Helpline: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"

Client: "How do I tell?"

Helpline: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"

Client: "What's a sea-prompt?"

Helpline: "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?"

Client: "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."

Helpline: "Does your monitor have a power indicator?"

Client: "What's a monitor?"

Helpline: "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV." "Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?"

Client: "I don't know."

Helpline: "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that?"

Client: "Yes, I think so."

Helpline: "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall."

Client: "Yes, it is."

Helpline: "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one?"

Client: "No."

Helpline: "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable."

Client: "Okay, here it is."

Helpline: "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer."

Client: "I can't reach."

Helpline: "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is?"

Client: "No."

Helpline: "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over?"

Client: "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark."

Helpline: "Dark?"

Client: "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window."

Helpline: "Well, turn on the office light then."

Client: "I can't."

Helpline: "No? Why not?"

Client: "Because there's a power failure."

Helpline: "A power............a power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in?"

Client: "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet."

Helpline: "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from."

Client: "Really? Is it that bad?"

Helpline: "Yes, I'm afraid it is."

Client: "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?"

Helpline: "Tell them you're too f**king stupid to own a computer!!!"

[The Vee]

:lolz:

[Earl]

Yeah, dumber than a box of rocks.:-D

[Jimbo]

Brilliant, I've not read that for years! We used to have it printed on the wall by our own helpdesks, blimey we've had some scorchers, not as funny as that, but still pretty funny, but most of them are ****ing frustrating, especially at 3am when you've got to be back in work at 8am. I'll share this one with you though....

Out of hours we use an answering machine with a callback feature to our mobiles and one night my colleague’s phone rang and listened to a garbled message from a guy called Mick then returned his call....

"Hi, is Mick there?"

"Mick, erm, erm, yeah he's about somewhere."

"Any chance you can find him for me, it's Andy here from <ourcompany>"

The guy goes off for a while, but eventually my colleague hears footsteps coming back to the phone.

"I can't find him at the moment, is it important?"

"I think it is, but he's only just left me a message, so he must be about somewhere."

(Somewhat grudgingly)"Ok, I'll go and look again."

Slightly more time goes by on this occasion, but eventually the guy returns to the phone and doesn't seem very happy.

"No, look he's not here, you'll have to ring back later"

"Oh, ok then, could you just pass on a message that we've tried to respond to his support call"

At this point the penny drops with our esteemed caller:

"Support call! OH, that Mick! That's me mate, I'm the other Mick! I thought you meant my boss, Mick, not "me-Mick", I rang you about 20 minutes ago, oh this happens all the time, we get ever so confused!"

:dozey:

I can't remember the reason for the call now, but I seem to recall it being a stupid question or dust in his printer or something.

[Japmetal]

While we're [sort of] on the subject of stupid customers, I swear I'll slap the next Saturday-mechanic type who asks me for a part, doesn't really know what the old one looks like, then picks up the one I give him and says

"Is that the right one then ?"

:io:


"NO, IT'S THE WRONG F***ING ONE, I JUST THOUGHT I'D GIVE IT YOU FOR A LAUGH !!"