Remember the Hokey Cokey dance ?

[Physician]

What with all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment,

it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person which almost

went un-noticed last week. Larry La Prise, the man who wrote "The Hokey Cokey"

died peacefully at age 93.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his

left leg in... and then the trouble started :sad3:

[Jimbo]

Oh purleeeze! :laugh:

[wirdy]

:laugh:

[strangebat]

oh dear :laugh:

[HJM]

Now, That is.......................















Funny :laugh:

[Kieran]

A good 8.9 on the 'Booometer' there!!! :-D

[Big Ian]

:lolz: ...i remember when i told my wife that joke a while ago.....she was stunned :dunce: ,and then say's i thought he had passed-away year's ago?
still dont think she ever caught on :laugh:

[Big Ian]

ANOTHER OLDIE! :lipsrseal

"i slept like a log last night :) "
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.an i woke up on top of the fire this morning :sad3: .........

[SGHOM]

I woke up this morning with my bedroom full of planes !!


I'd left the landing light on !! :lipsrseal :$ :$



yes, I know !!! I'll get me coat !1 :laugh: :laugh:

[Kieran]

Last night, I dreamt I was eating a ten pound marshmallow....






















I woke up this morning and the pillow was gone! :laugh: :$

[Spirit]

Man says to ex-girlfriend......."I'll never get over you....
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......so I guess I'll have to get up and walk around instead" :laugh:

[Polabear]

Slept like a baby last night
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.Woke up and the bed was full if Pesh and Biscuit crumbs..... :lipsrseal

[Kieran]

Went to the doctors the other day to get some sleeping pills for the wife.


Doctor Said, "Why?"























I said "She's woke up!" :laugh: :uhoh2: :end:

[SGHOM]

Whats 30ft long, & stinks of piss ??






































the conga in an old peoples home !! :laugh: :laugh:

[wirdy]

What looks old, wrinkly & hangs out' yer Pants?

























....Your Mum. ;)

[wirdy]

and........my little 'uns fave at the moment....


Where do whales get weighed?






















...At the whale weigh station :-D

[Physician]

I woke up this morning with my bedroom full of planes !!


I'd left the landing light on !!


Hahaha! I like that one interlec.

Another: (old one)

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he
approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes, sir, what are you
seeing the doctor for today?"

"There's something wrong with my penis," he replied.

The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into
a crowded office and say things like that."

"Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said.

The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private."

The man walked out, waited several minutes, and then reentered. The
receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?"

"There's something wrong with my ear," he stated.

The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing that he had
taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, sir?"

"I can't piss out of it," the man replied. :sad3:

[wirdy]

Four engineers were travelling by car to a seminar, when unfortunately, the vehicle broke down.

The chemical engineer said "Obviously, some constituent of the fuel has caused this failure to occur."

The mechanical engineer replied "I disagree, I would surmise that an engine component has suffered a catastrophic structural failure."

The electrical engineer also had a theory. "I believe an electrical component has ceased to function, thereby causing an ignition malfunction."

The software engineer thought for some time. When at last he spoke he said "What would happen if we all got out and then got back in again?"

AND

A man flying in a hot air balloon realizes he is lost. He reduces his altitude and spots a man in a field down below. He lowers the balloon further and shouts, "Excuse me, can you tell me where I am?"

The man below says, "Yes, you're in a hot air balloon, about 30 feet above this field."

"You must be an engineer," says the balloonist.

"I am. How did you know?"

"Everything you told me is technically correct, but it's of no use to anyone."

The man below says, "You must be in management."

"I am. But how did you know?"

"You don't know where you are, or where you're going, but you expect me to be able to help. You're in the same position you were before we met, but now it's my fault."

[Roadrunner]

An elderly Scotsman lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favourite cheese scones wafting up the stairs. He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort, gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs. With laboured breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen.

Were it not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were dozens of his favourite cheese scones.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a rumpled posture. His parched lips parted, he could almost taste the cheese scone before it was in his mouth, seemingly bringing him back to life.

The aged and withered hand trembled on its way to the nearest scone at the edge of the table, when his hand was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife. . . . . . . . . . . . .

"F*ck off !!" she said, "they're for the funeral !!"

[wirdy]

An old favourite........................................

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their habits.
After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their habits, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door.

"Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door.

The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice tits," says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

[Jimbo]

:lolz: