Clean jokes required

[Mark 4]

I am making a wedding speech on Friday and was just wondering if anyone knows any jokes that may be suitable. There will be children there and I don't want to risk offending anyone.

[Nutter_John]

Have you not tried on google for wedding jokes

or you could

download Bernard Mannings Joke book for a starter :D

[Spirit]

Have you heard the one with the keys ? Takes a bit of organising mind.

Tell all the men (non-relatives) in advance, and get a bucket (wine cooler would work too) ready.

You need to explain how the brides father was so worried about protecting his daughters chastity that years ago he had a lock fitted to her bedroom door. Apparantly, a few copies of the key have been made over the years and that now would be a good time for anyone with a copy to hand it in. Put the bucket on the table, and then all the men you prompted can walk up and drop their keys into it ! Let them sit down and carry on with your speech.

Was bloody funny first time I saw it done. Hopefully everyone will remember which bunch of keys was theirs after the event /lol

Just an idea mate.

[Mark 4]

Love that Pete but will not be appropriate on this occasion unfortunately. I will remember it for future reference though.

Hmm, can I think of a variation.

[Mark 4]

Have you not tried on google for wedding jokes

or you could

download Bernard Mannings Joke book for a starter :D


Not allowed John. I vowed not to use the internet cos I want it to be MY speech.

I have it done and don't necessarily need a joke but just thaught I'd ask on here anyway.

Pete's is a great one and I just might have worked out a variation.

[Evil Enda]

Say that the bride looks stunning and the groom just looks stunned.

The key to a good marriage for a man is like starting a new job; it's always easier when you get on well with the boss

Have some of those little cards for writing bullet points on, start by saying you have just been told by the bride that you must not talk about anything illegal or really embarrassing. Apologise and say you have to quickly edit your speech, start throwing away the cards, muttering things like 'drugs', 'ladyboys', night with the sheep', 'police cell' etc. Then start your speech proper.

Good luck

[bakerboy-2007]

I prepared a flyer/magazine with the help of both mums with baby photos bad hair bad clothes embarassing storys with a back page for comments and added storys from friends and put them on each table in a sealed envelope when I started my speach I managed to use the flyer for reference there was also a word search and a competition in it for the tables all went really well

Good luck

[Mark 4]

I prepared a flyer/magazine with the help of both mums with baby photos bad hair bad clothes embarassing storys with a back page for comments and added storys from friends and put them on each table in a sealed envelope when I started my speach I managed to use the flyer for reference there was also a word search and a competition in it for the tables all went really well

Good luck

Jeez, that's way too much effort for me.

[bakerboy-2007]

Stand up toast the bridesmaids , bride , both parents then sit down

Simples

[ANTHONY]

you could say the bride has got her bingo dress on..............eyes down look in

[Roadrunner]

Thank the bride's mother for the perky wee copulator ... Oh no, sorry, the wee coffee percolator ;)