nick-f1
10-09-2004, 09:46 AM
Here is one that was doing the rounds a year or three ago, found it on the kids computer ( my old one) whilst removing old work files. So thought I'd post it here:
Here is a short story that can give us all some perspective when you have "one of them days"
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. Anyway,
anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.
April 1998
Hi, Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I
know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you
to make you realise its not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. This time of year the water is quite cool, even
with a wetsuit. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water
heater. This $20,000 piece of **** sucks the water out of the sea. It heats to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air
hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the
back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched
it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose
out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realised what had happened. The hot
water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the
poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair
on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, 1 was actually grinding the jellyfish into my
ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to
say, I aborted the dive. It totalled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my chamber
dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear
were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his
face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my asshole was swollen shut.
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much
worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad
days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable,
Here is a short story that can give us all some perspective when you have "one of them days"
Brian is a commercial saturation diver for Global Divers out of Louisiana and performs
underwater repairs on offshore drilling rigs. Below is an e-mail he sent to his sister. Anyway,
anytime you think you have had a bad day at the office, remember this guy.
April 1998
Hi, Sue,
Just another note from your bottom dwelling brother. Last week I had a bad day at the office. I
know you've been feeling down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you
to make you realise its not so bad after all. Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first
must bore you with a few technicalities of my job. This time of year the water is quite cool, even
with a wetsuit. So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial water
heater. This $20,000 piece of **** sucks the water out of the sea. It heats to a delightful
temperature. It then pumps it down to the diver through a garden hose, which is taped to the air
hose. Now this sounds like a damn good plan, and I've used it several times with no complaints.
What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the
back of my neck. This floods my whole suit with warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to itch. So, of course, I scratched
it. This only made things worse. Within a few seconds, my ass started to burn. I pulled the hose
out from my back, but the damage was done. In agony I realised what had happened. The hot
water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the
poison ivy you once had under a cast. Now I had that hose down my back. I don't have any hair
on my back, so the jellyfish couldn't get stuck to my back. My ass crack was not as fortunate.
When I scratched what I thought was an itch, 1 was actually grinding the jellyfish into my
ass. I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma over the communicator. His instructions were
unclear due to the fact that he, along with 5 other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to
say, I aborted the dive. It totalled 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my chamber
dry decompression. I got to the surface wearing nothing but my brass helmet. My suit and gear
were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his
face, handed me a tube of cream and told me to shove it "up my ass" when I get in the chamber.
The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't **** for two days because my asshole was swollen shut.
Anyway, the next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much
worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your ass. I hope you have no bad
days at the office. But if you do, I hope this will make it more tolerable,