Polabear
16-11-2004, 12:10 PM
How To Give A Cat A Pill
1. Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of the left arm as if holding a baby
2.Position right forfinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks. As mouth opens pop pill in and allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
3. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
4. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
5. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger, hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse.
7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from spouses armpit, put pill on end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open and blow pill down straw. Check pill is not harmfull to humans. Drink glass of water to remove taste. Apply plaster to spouse's arm. Remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
8. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from trees across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
9. Take pill from foil wrap. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour half apint of water down throat.
10. Get spouse to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to order new table. Arrange for vet to make a house call.
1. Pick cat up and cradle in the crook of the left arm as if holding a baby
2.Position right forfinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks. As mouth opens pop pill in and allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
3. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
4. Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw away soggy pill.
5. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger, hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
6. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse.
7. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from spouses armpit, put pill on end of drinking straw, force cat's mouth open and blow pill down straw. Check pill is not harmfull to humans. Drink glass of water to remove taste. Apply plaster to spouse's arm. Remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
8. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from trees across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
9. Take pill from foil wrap. Tie cats front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by a large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour half apint of water down throat.
10. Get spouse to drive you to casualty. Sit quietly while doctor stitches finger and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop at furniture shop on way home to order new table. Arrange for vet to make a house call.