Polabear
15-12-2004, 03:24 PM
A tragic road accident occurs and a coach load of nuns are very sadly
killed. Having lived almost entirely blameless lives, they are very soon
outside the gates of Heaven, where St Peter comes out to welcome them.
"Ladies, before we start, let me say that none of you need have any fear
that you will be excluded from the eternal kingdom - you are all good
Christians, and your place is within the gates. But before you may enter
I must ask you to form an orderly queue, as what small sins are against
your names must be confessed and wiped clean".
So they all form a very quiet queue, and the first nun is called
forward.
"Sister Mary", says St Peter, " have you ever seen a male member"?
The nun very shamefacedly nods and with an bright red face says that she
used to work in an orphanage, and that she once entered the shower room
believing it to be empty and that she did startle a young man and whilst
she instantly averted her eyes, she caught sight of his John Thomas.
"Go and bathe your eyes in the bowl of holy water by the gate and you
may enter", St Peter said, and so saying, she did.
St Peter called the second nun forward and asked, " Sister Agnes, have
you ever had contact with a man's Love Truncheon"?
Taking a deep breath, she explained that she used to work as a
physiotherapist for a football team before she was a nun, and that one
one occasion the massage table had collapsed and in an attempt to stop the
patient falling to the floor she had shot out her hand to grab him and
accidentally grabbed his Friendly Weapon by mistake.
St Peter said, "Go to the bowl of holy water and immerse your hand, and
you may enter the gates", which she duly did.
Before St Peter could call the third nun forward there was a great
kerfuffle towards the end of the queue, and he ran down to see what the
problem was. It was obvious when he got there that two of the nuns had
been struggling with each other.
"Sister Josephine, Sister Margaret! What is this unseemly behaviour?!
Have I not said that you will all get into heaven? Can you not exercise a
little patience?! What is the meaning of this"?
Sister Josephine cleared her throat and said, "I'm sorry St Peter, but
we had an argument about which order we should stand in, in the queue".
St Peter said again, "But you are all to come in. Why the worry about
who's to be first"?
Sister Margaret looked at Sister Josephine and said, "I'm truly sorry St
Peter, but if I was going to have to gargle with the holy water, I
wanted to get to the bowl before she stuck her ar$e in it".
killed. Having lived almost entirely blameless lives, they are very soon
outside the gates of Heaven, where St Peter comes out to welcome them.
"Ladies, before we start, let me say that none of you need have any fear
that you will be excluded from the eternal kingdom - you are all good
Christians, and your place is within the gates. But before you may enter
I must ask you to form an orderly queue, as what small sins are against
your names must be confessed and wiped clean".
So they all form a very quiet queue, and the first nun is called
forward.
"Sister Mary", says St Peter, " have you ever seen a male member"?
The nun very shamefacedly nods and with an bright red face says that she
used to work in an orphanage, and that she once entered the shower room
believing it to be empty and that she did startle a young man and whilst
she instantly averted her eyes, she caught sight of his John Thomas.
"Go and bathe your eyes in the bowl of holy water by the gate and you
may enter", St Peter said, and so saying, she did.
St Peter called the second nun forward and asked, " Sister Agnes, have
you ever had contact with a man's Love Truncheon"?
Taking a deep breath, she explained that she used to work as a
physiotherapist for a football team before she was a nun, and that one
one occasion the massage table had collapsed and in an attempt to stop the
patient falling to the floor she had shot out her hand to grab him and
accidentally grabbed his Friendly Weapon by mistake.
St Peter said, "Go to the bowl of holy water and immerse your hand, and
you may enter the gates", which she duly did.
Before St Peter could call the third nun forward there was a great
kerfuffle towards the end of the queue, and he ran down to see what the
problem was. It was obvious when he got there that two of the nuns had
been struggling with each other.
"Sister Josephine, Sister Margaret! What is this unseemly behaviour?!
Have I not said that you will all get into heaven? Can you not exercise a
little patience?! What is the meaning of this"?
Sister Josephine cleared her throat and said, "I'm sorry St Peter, but
we had an argument about which order we should stand in, in the queue".
St Peter said again, "But you are all to come in. Why the worry about
who's to be first"?
Sister Margaret looked at Sister Josephine and said, "I'm truly sorry St
Peter, but if I was going to have to gargle with the holy water, I
wanted to get to the bowl before she stuck her ar$e in it".