Kenneth
23-01-2005, 10:25 PM
Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees.
The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons
who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
themselves from the gene pool. Please note - all the winning nominees are
from North America.....says something doesn't it?
This year's nine nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to
break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself
to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was
killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a
"farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however,
and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft.
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to
death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing
telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a
Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
(For
whatever reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure
prominently
among the Darwin nominees.)
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said
Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower
early
Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's
windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of
window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing
partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
that
Hoy was
"one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
(Nice to see another Canadian province getting into the awards. The
Maritimes
always have been heavily involved.)
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a
metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a
wire and was
electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favourites.)
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN.
A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
face,
sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his
parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor
s
cleaning a 54-calibre muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He
was
using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment
in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan
Macko, 55, was standing on a wheel-chair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the
chair
moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
(Another Ontario entry....I wonder if people are moving there from the
Maritime provinces.)
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff
County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock,
were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck
had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed
that
the .22 calibre bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next
to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights
again
began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward
the White River Bridge. After travelling approximately 20 miles, and just
before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged,
and
struck Poole in the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but
will
require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which
will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is
a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this
accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)
The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons
who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing
themselves from the gene pool. Please note - all the winning nominees are
from North America.....says something doesn't it?
This year's nine nominees are:
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]:
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to
break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself
to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]:
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was
killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a
"farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source
of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however,
and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft.
Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]:
Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to
death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of a ringing
telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a
Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
(For
whatever reason, residents of Southern states always seem to figure
prominently
among the Darwin nominees.)
Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]:
Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane with his
shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman said
Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank Tower
early
Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the building's
windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of
window strength according to police reports. Peter Lawson, managing
partner of the firm Holden Day Wilson, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
that
Hoy was
"one of the best and brightest" members of the 200-man association.
(Nice to see another Canadian province getting into the awards. The
Maritimes
always have been heavily involved.)
Nominee No. 5: [The News of the Weird]:
Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird posthumously. He had
spent several years awaiting South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
conviction before having his sentence reduced to life in prison. While
sitting on a
metal toilet in his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a
wire and was
electrocuted. (South Carolina entrants are always perennial favourites.)
Nominee No. 6: [The Indianapolis Star]:
A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN.
A Jay County man, using a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a
muzzle loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon discharged in his
face,
sheriff's investigators said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his
parents' rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor
s
cleaning a 54-calibre muzzle-loader that had not been firing properly. He
was
using the lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
Nominee No. 7: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]:
A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment
in this Toronto suburb slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan
Macko, 55, was standing on a wheel-chair when the accident occurred, said
Inspector D'Arcy Honer of the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the
chair
moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
(Another Ontario entry....I wonder if people are moving there from the
Maritime provinces.)
Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]:
Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and
struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff
County deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight
Monday.
Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock,
were returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip.
On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup truck headlights
malfunctioned.
The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck
had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed
that
the .22 calibre bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box
next
to the steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet the headlights
again
began to operate properly, and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward
the White River Bridge. After travelling approximately 20 miles, and just
before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged,
and
struck Poole in the testicles.
The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a
tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but
will
require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles, which
will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was
treated and released.
"Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or
we might both be dead," stated Wallis
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is
a first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this
accident happened," said Snyder.
Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's wife) asked how many
frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck???
Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their misadventure as
normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that
Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.)