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SGHOM
04-08-2003, 10:15 PM
polish guy goes to the opticians. optician says " can you read the bottom line on that chart on the wall please " polish guy says " read it ! I f***ing know him " !!!:D

SGHOM
04-08-2003, 10:18 PM
2 monkeys in a bathroom !! one steps in the bath, & makes usual monkey noises......... ooh ooh, aah aah, ooh ooh !! other monkey says, " well if its hot put some f***ing cold in then !!!:D

Spirit
04-08-2003, 10:22 PM
Two lepers playing cards, one throws his hand in and the other one laughed his head off

Spirit
04-08-2003, 10:22 PM
What do you call a leper in the bath........porridge !

Spirit
04-08-2003, 10:23 PM
How do you kill a leper ? Still two straws up his nose and suck until his head caves in :D

SGHOM
04-08-2003, 10:29 PM
emporer of japan, during ww2. gathers his best pilots & tells them of a new mission. "tomorrow you are going to become kamakazi hero's, we will fill your plane with fuel, load you with bombs, & you will dive bomb your planes into the imperial fleet, and die for the love of your emporer, & the love of your country " ....... " any qustions ? " guy at the back stands up & say's ... " ANY F***ING QUESTIONS "

SGHOM
04-08-2003, 10:33 PM
snail walks into a pub, landlord says " we dont serve snails in here, & boots him out the door. 6 months later , there a konck at the door, landlord opens it & snail says " what did you do that for ?

Nik77
04-08-2003, 10:51 PM
Two fish in a tank.... First one says to the second 'How do u drive this thing???'



Bloke walks into a pub with some tarmac under his arm... Says to the barman 'Pint for me and one for the road.'

Brind
04-08-2003, 10:53 PM
Lonely guy..

SGHOM
04-08-2003, 10:57 PM
sorry to hear that Brind, maybe you you might meet the right girl ,.... or guy soon !!:D

Brind
04-08-2003, 11:06 PM
Damn.. that is low.. expect paypack though. ;) :D

Strictly women for me though mate. :)

SGHOM
04-08-2003, 11:13 PM
I'm sat at my desk / office / utility room , doing invoices, quotes, bills, etc . it's doing my f***ing head in. I keep checking to you guys for a bit of stress relief !!! being self employed has its benifits........ apparently !!:confused: who's this t**t called tax man, who keeps writing to me !!!

SGHOM
06-08-2003, 10:47 PM
2 guys in america, boarding a plane. they both notice that each of them has a black eye. one guy says, " how did you get that " he replied, " well, I was checking in for this flight, & the girl at the desk was really cute, & had great breasts. what I meant to say was " can I have a ticket to pittsburg please" , but it came out " can I have a picket to titsburg please , and she socked me one " !!!! wow man, the other guy said, the same thing happened to me just this morning. I was having breakfast with the wife, when I meant to say, " pass me the sugar honey," and it came out," you've ruined my life, you fat ugly bitch ":D :D

Nik77
07-08-2003, 10:23 AM
What do you call a blonde standing on her head?
A brunette with bad breath.

There was a baby born in the hospital and he weighed ten pounds. The odd thing about him was his body weighed five pounds and his balls weighed five pounds. All the nurses and even the doctor didn't know what to do with him.
Then, the chief surgeon walked in and asked what was wrong. The head nurse replied, ''We don't know what to do with this baby.''

So the chief surgeon took one look and said, "You should put him into a mental institution."

''Why?' asked the head nurse.

"Well," replied the chief surgeon, "take a look at him. The boy is obviously half nuts."