Bad Joke Thread

[WildCards]

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town.

With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde woman in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blonde jokes. What makes you think you can stereotype women that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's guys like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as a person. Because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general, and all in the name of humour!"

The embarrassed ventriloquist begins to apologise, and the blonde yells, "You stay out of his, mister! I'm talking to that little prick on your knee."

[WildCards]

A man walks in to a doctors. 'doctor I have an embarrassing problem', the dr tells him to show the problem. The patiant bends over and reveals an arsehole the size of a football.

'Jesus Christ what the hell happened to your asshole' said the dr.

The patient replies, 'I was out on safari and I got raped by a bull elephant', stunned and quizzed the dr replies, 'that's aweful but I thought bull elephants has long and thin penises', the patient replies; ' it fingered me first

[WildCards]

There's an Englishman, Irishman & Scotsman all talking about their teenage daughters.

The Englishman says "I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day & I found a packet of cigarettes. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she smokes".

The Scotsman says "That's nothing. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I came across a half full bottle of Vodka. I was really shocked as I didn't even know she drank."

With that the Irishman says "Both of you have got nothing to worry about. I was cleaning my daughter's room the other day when I found packet of condoms. I was really shocked. I didn't even know she had a cock."

[WildCards]

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
Doyouthinkhesawus!

what do you call a lesbian dinosaur?
A lickolotopuss!

what do you call a gay dinosaur?
A megasorearse

[WildCards]

Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?

[WildCards]

What is a zebra?
26 sizes larger than an "A" bra.

[WildCards]

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"See you next month!"

[WildCards]

Where does Saddam Hussein keep his cd's?

In a rack.

[WildCards]

A man walks into a bar with a huge grin on his face and orders a whisky.
The barman asks, what are you so pleased about?
Ive just had my first blowjob, replies the man.
Was it good? Asks the barman.
It was great, I just need to get the taste out of my mouth!!!!

[WildCards]

A tin of food jumps out in front of a train.
The police contact the wife to tell her the bad news and she replies "I dont understand, he was full of beans this morning

[Alex]

Two parrots on a perch.

One turns to the other and says do you smell fish?

[Alex]

Two nuns in a bath.
One says to the other "Where's the soap?"
The other replies, "Yes it does doesn't it".

[Lillywotsername]

Two nuns in a bath.
One says to the other "Where's the soap?"
The other relies, "Yes it does doesn't it".

????? Sorry don't get that one.

[Paul Beazer]

change "where" for "wear"

[Kieran]

Two nuns in a bath.
One says to the other "Where's the soap?"
The other relies, "Yes it does doesn't it".

Even when you tell it my dear, I have the same problem I have when it gets told at work...

I get the joke, but

IT ISN'T FUNNY

[Lillywotsername]

Thats why I thought I didn't get it..... Sorry Alex

/ grovels at feet begging forgiveness.

[psbarham]

whats yellow and dangerous ?

shark infested custard .


whats green hairy and goes up and down ?

a goosberry in a lift.


whats green and turns red at the flick of a switch ?

kermit in a liquidizer.


what do you call a gorrilla with a machine gun ?

sir .


what do you call a deaf gorrilla with a machine gun?

anything you want , he can't hear you .

[I-S]

What's big, hairy and flies to america at twice the speed of sound?
King Kongcorde.

Three vampires walk into a pub. First one asks for a pint of blood. Barman says that they don't sell blood, so the vampire has a pint of bitter instead. Second vampire asks for a pint of blood, but the barman repeats that they don't sell blood, so he too has a pint of bitter instead. Third vampire asks for a pint of blood, and the barman again says that they don't sell it, so the vampire asks for a pint of water, and goes and sits with the other two vampires. They ask why he didn't get a beer, whereupon he pulls out a tampon and asks whether they've heard of teabags.

Two cows in a field. One says moo. The other says you bastard, I was going to say that.

[Spirit]

A tramp walks into a pub and asks for a cocktail stick, so the barman lets him have one.

A few minutes later another tramp goes in the pub and asks for a cocktail stick, so again the barman lets him have one.

A few more minutes pass and a third tramp goes into the pub, and yet again asks for a cocktail stick. The barman asks why he needs it but the tramp says he is in a rush and begs for the cocktail stick, so the barman kindly obliges.

Yet a few more minutes later yet another tramp goes into the pub, but this time asks for a straw.

The barman says he can have a straw but must explain why three other tramps have already been in asking for cocktail sticks, and why he now wants a straw.

"Well", he says, "Someone has been sick outside but now all the lumps have gone" !

[Alex]

Even when you tell it my dear, I have the same problem I have when it gets told at work...

I get the joke, but

IT ISN'T FUNNY

My mistake, I thought this thread was entitled BAD JOKE thread!!!