Bad Joke Thread

[Kenneth]

My mistake, I thought this thread was entitled BAD JOKE thread!!!

Quite right there Alex! well done on some truly bad jokes...

[H6NRH]

Yeah, bad joke thread and there are some extremely bad jokes

[ciderisgr8]

Whats pink and fluffy ?

Pink fluff

Whats blue and fluffy ?

Pink fluff holding its breath

A sandwhich walks into a bar and asks for a pint of lager. The barman says to him " Sorry, we dont serve food in here "

A piece of string walks into a bar and asks the barman for a pint of bitter. The barman says "Are you a piece of string?" at which the piece of string replys " Yes, whys that ?" The barman says " sorry we dont serve pieces of string in here, youll have to leave!". So the piece of string walks outside and then ruffles his hair. He walks back in the bar and orders a pint of bitter. The barman says "Arent you a piece of string ?" The piece of string replies "Frayed not!"

Two nuns are going for a bike ride down a cobbled street. One nun turns to the other and says " Ive never come this way before !"

[Brunty]

Q. Why are Pirates, Pirates?












A. 'cos they aarrRRRR!

- my favourite joke.

[Earl]

what's invisible and smells like carrots?





























bunny farts.

[I-S]

What's orange and spherical?
An orange.

What's blue and square?
An orange bluffing.

What's orange and spherical?
An orange double bluffing.

What's blue and square? (ad nauseam)

[SGHOM]

A couple were sitting up waiting for their 16 year old son to come home from a social engagement, when the boy came into

the house with a big smile on his face.

Hi,Mum! Hi,Dad! he said breathlessly.

"Guess what!I've just had sex for the first time, and it was wonderful!"



His mother turned red and said to her husband, "He's your son. You talk to him".

Then she left the room.

The father said "Son, that's great. Now you've become a man and I'm proud of you. I'm going to celebrate the occasion by

buying you that ten-speed bike, you've been wanting. I hope you don't mind waiting till payday to get it".

"That's OK, Dad", said the boy.

"I couldn't ride it right now anyway, my arse is too sore".

[Polabear]

????? Sorry don't get that one.

[TAR]

Whats pink, wrinkled and hanges out your underwear?





















Your mother

[TAR]

and a few more bad jokes which for some reason still make you laugh....

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A stick.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?
Right where you left him.

Why do gorillas have big nostrils?
Because they have big fingers.

What do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
Damn!

Why don't blind people like to sky dive?
Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
A bad golfer goes, whack, damn. a bad skydiver goes damn, whack.

How do you catch a unique rabbit?
Unique up on it.

How do you catch a tame rabbit?
Tame way, unique up on it.

What goes clop, clop, clop, bang,bang,clop clop clop?
An amish drive-by shooting

How are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
Somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

[WildCards]

A Swedish man walks into a pharmacy, and asks for a Deoderant. The cashier says, "Aerosol or ball?" and the man says, "Acshually - it is for my armpits."



A duck walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms. The cashier says "will I put it on your bill?" The duck replies "Of Course not! I'll suffocate!"



Two blonde girls walk into a department store. They walk up to the perfume counter and pick up a sample bottle. Nancy sprays it on her wrist and smells it, "That's quite nice, don't you think, Kathy?" Kathy takes a sniff and replies, "That is nice. What's it called?"
"Viens a moi," replies Nancy.
"Viens a moi? What the heck does that mean?"
At this stage the store clerk offers some help., "Viens a moi, ladies, means 'come to me' in French." Nancy takes another sniff, then offers her arm to Kathy again, and remarks, "That doesn't smell like cum to me. Does that smell like cum to you?"

[WildCards]

A bear and a rabbit were having a st in the woods, when it started to rain. The bear turns around and asks the rabbit:
"Say, Mr Rabbit, does st stick to your fur?"
The Rabbit was very proud of his plush white hairy bits, so naturally he replied: "Why, Mr Bear, of course not."
So the bear picked up the rabbit and wiped his arse with it

[WildCards]

A man is driving a pick-up truck down the road with a bunch of ducks standing in the back. A police officer pulls over the driver, informs him that he is speeding and then asks him where he's going with all those ducks. The driver says that he doesn't know what to do with them anymore. The officer says, "Look, there's a zoo not far from here and that's where you should take them." The man thanks the officer and drives off with his ducks.

The next day the officer again sees the same pick-up truck barreling down the road. This time, though, all the ducks in the back are wearing sunglasses. The officer pulls the driver over and says, "I thought I told you to take those ducks to the zoo!" "I did," said the driver, "but now they want to go to the beach!"

[WildCards]

There was a bar man who owned a duck who danced on a tin box. He sold it to another bar man who phoned him later asking how to make him stop. He replied "Open the tin and blow out the candles!"

[Atik]

A nun went to the doctor cos she was feeling sick. He told her she was pregnant. She was totally dumbfounded due to the severe shock at this news. The next day she stormed into the monastery where the monks lived and shouted “Right, which one of you dirty bas***ds has been w*nking over the candles?”

[Adie]

I had a terrible dream last night so bad, in fact i woke up screaming.
Dreamt I had a boil on the end on my knob. I was no ordinary boil it was Suzan Boyle!

[kiteman]

An elderly gent went everywhere with his jack russell dog, but could'nt get served in any of the local pubs cause they did'nt allow dogs in.
So one day he got an idea and bought a white cane and sunglasses.
As he entered the pub the landlord said, sorry sir, no dogs allowed, to which the old guy said, thats me guide dog.
Thats not a guide dog said the landlord, guide dogs are usually labradors or alsations, and the old said why what did they give me.

[maori_by_nature]

Whats big and yellow and if it falls out of a tree will kill you?





A bull dozer.....

[djb160]

Whats brown and sticky


































A stick

[djb160]

How do you get Pekachu on a bus?



























Pokemon.