Said to the wife last night, "you're the double of Kate Moss" She said "really !! " I said " yes...... she's 9 stone, your 18 stone you fat c"*t "
Said to the wife last night, "you're the double of Kate Moss" She said "really !! " I said " yes...... she's 9 stone, your 18 stone you fat c"*t "
I got a new Rolex for my birthday from the lesbians next door. I think they misunderstood me when I said I wanna watch!!!
I was feeling really depressed last night and decided to call the Samaritans. Got through to a call centre in Afghanistan. Told them I was suicidal and they got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck!
Police have finally admitted they got it wrong in the shooting of Jean
Charles de Menez.
It was his naughty brother Dennis they were after
"Finishing second means you are the first person to lose"................ (Gilles Villeneuve)
10 useful insults for women...
1. She's seen more helmets than Hitler
2. Got a f@nny like a badly stuffed kebab
3. A face like a painter's radio
4. Her f@nny's like a hippo's yawn
5. She's been shot over more times than Baghdad
6. Handled more balls than David James
7. Got p!ss flaps like a gutted trout
8. Seen more stiffs than Quincy
9. Been cocked more times than John Wayne's shotgun
10. Even the tide wouldn't take her out
I was asked to run a marathon and I said, "no chance."
Then I was told it was for spastic and blind kids, so I thought, "F#ck
it. I could win that!"
Originally Posted by Anthony
went through the cemetry on my way to work and saw 4 blokes walking round with a coffin. walked back through atdinnertime and they were still walking round with it and i thought theyve lost the f**king plot
A mate of mine got sacked from his job on the dodgems. He's claiming funfair dismissal.
Team Throbbe
Consistently Achieving Deferred Success
Michael Jackson has just anounced the dates for his upcoming UK tour. It's Ryan . .7 & David . .5
Quick, the cops are on to us!
They're looking for a sexy motherfooker and a retard.
They've already got me down the station so grab your helmet and crayons and run like fook!
Oi, turn your mobile upside down....
370HSSV 0773H
Have you heard about the new support line that they have setup for distressed Man Utd fans?
The number is: 0845 414141
1999 Mitsubishi Lancer Evolution VI Tommi Makinen Edition
A cucumber, a pickle and a penis were talking about their awful lives.
The cucumber said "My life sucks. When I get big, fat & juicy they cut me up and chuck me into a salad."
The pickle said "When I get big, fat & juicy they almost drown me in vinegar and leave me to stew in a jar."
The penis said "You think that's bad? When I get big, fat & juicy they pull a plastic bag over my head, shove me in a dark, damp room and bang my head against a wall until I throw up and pass out!"
Pregnant Irish girl phones home, " mam, oi tink me waters hav broke". . . Oh me holy jaysus. where are ya ringing from" . . " I'm ringing from me minge to me fockin' ankles"
Two priests are in the shower one night and they realise there's no soap.
Naked Father John goes to his room to get some. He grabs 2 bars of soap and, 1 in each hand, heads back to the showers.
Half way down the hall 3 nuns head his way. Father John pretends to be a statue.
The nuns can't believe how life-like he looks and the 1st nun pulls on his manhood.
Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh, it's a soap dispenser!" squeels the 1st nun.
The 2nd nun does the same and he drops the 2nd bar of soap.
The 3rd nun has a go but no soap. She keeps tuggin'... "Sweet Jesus" she shouts, "Hand lotion too!"
NOW ON SALE AT IKEA
Lesbian beds
Self assembly but there's no screwing required. It's all tongue and groove.
why is a 69 better than a family re-union?
with a 69 you only have to kiss one tw@t
sorry i havn't been in touch for a while, i've been in hospital having a large mole removed from my penis.
won't be shaggin one of those again!!