A few teacher pupil jokes!

[Davezj]

If you need a good laugh, try reading through these children's science

exam answers :



Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.



Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to

drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large

pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.



Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.



Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.



Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?

A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends

to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and

nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.



Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.



Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.



Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.



Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.



Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ( e.g., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts -- the brainium, the borax and

the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax

contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five

bowels A, E, I, O, and U.



Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.



Q: What does 'varicose' mean? (I do love this one...)

A: Nearby.



Q: Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarian Section.'

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome



Q: What does the word 'benign' mean?'

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.





Kids Are Quick



TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America

MARIA: Here it is.

TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: Maria.

____________________________________



TEACHE R: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the

floor?

JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.

__________ ________________________________



TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'

GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

GLENN: ! Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.

____________________________________________



TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?

DONALD: H I J K L M N O.

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.

__________________________________



TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't

have ten years ago.

WINNIE: Me!

__________________________________________



TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?

GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.

_______________________________________



TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'

MILLIE: I is..

TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am'

MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.

_________________________________



TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's

cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his

father didn't punish him?

LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.

______________________________________



TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.





TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same

as your brother's. Did you copy his?

CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.

___________________________________



TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking

when people are no longer interested?

HAROLD: A teacher.

[bradc]

Now those were good!

[g8legnum]

Brill!Tears running down my face! Worryingly I work in a secondary school, and its all so true