silly comments/stories

[sy666]

as title, post any silly things someone has said or stories.

I'll start with a couple

Mates ex was preping for her driving test, recent one with the show and tell, he asked her "where is the dipstick" her responce "I'm stood here you tw@t"

Said to same girl as above "what a pig, just got some new 17" alloys, I've only just put new tyres on my 16" ones" her responce "cant you just trim your old tyres to fit the new wheels?"

A different female friend called me and asked how to check her oil level cos the light keeps comming on. Told her how to do it and she said it was on the bottom line. Said I'll be round after work and i'll top it up for you. Pulled onto her drive after work and could see her head under the bonnet. When I got out of the car i could see what she was doing .......... Filling her oil, through a funnel down the dipstick hole, she'd been there for half hour at that point. I did get a sturn slap for laughing at her!

[Humpty's Revenge]

YOUR SACKED! Sexist towards woman











































Hell keep it up!!

[Nube]

Friends wife called saying the oil warning light was on.'Fill it up' was the reply. We then get a call to say it's died. She'd filled it up through the oil cap fine,to the brim!!!!

[Roadrunner]

Friends wife called saying the oil warning light was on.'Fill it up' was the reply. We then get a call to say it's died. She'd filled it up through the oil cap fine,to the brim!!!!

It's not just wimmin - guy that works for me did exactly the same thing with his Peugeot 205!

Also, my former brother-in-law got a puncture when out in the country. Removed the wheel, put on the spare and carried on home. Told my father about it and he said, "no problem, give me the wheel and I'll get another tyre on it". To which my brother-in-law said, "I don't have the wheel, I chucked it over the hedge, I thought it was useless." No wonder my sister got rid of him ...

[ANTHONY]

. When I got out of the car i could see what she was doing .......... Filling her oil, through a funnel down the dipstick hole, she'd been there for half hour !

no so strange..on a vauxhall vivaro you do fill and check the level at the same hole

[pedro]

One of my ex's, asked me, "Why do all electricians wear blue?"
Do they, I thought? so i said-, "Thats because Blue doesn't conduct electricity the same as other colours."
"I thought it was something to do with safety" she replied.....LOL

[Owen87]

Was telling this one to Woody72 on saturday...

A guy i worked with (a carpenter) bought a new washing machine, brought it home and when he was lifting it taught "jaysus thats heavy", so being the curious type he opened up the washing machine to find a big lump of concrete inside it! He taught "Bingo" thats unusual n shouldnt be there! so he got out the hammer and chisel and started hacking away at the concrete! When finished he plumbed it all up and put on a wash, seemed to be working fine so left the house to go shopping.

Returned home later on to find the kitchen covered in water and the washing machine at the other side of the room!!!

[SGHOM]

I was in the pub the other day when a couple ordered a meal, & two black coffee's with milk???

[Wal]

Sat in the posh French restaurant at the Belfry with our lass, "isn't it funny how all french waitors seem to be called Gaston"

Another one from one of her workmates who actually thought this was the saying, "you're not a help you're a Hindu"

[ANTHONY]

how many times have you gone into a coffee shop without any seats and asked for a coffee to take away............................or is it just me

[pedro]

We have a lad at work who when he was 18, drove 25 miles to my job to collect the rubbish in a LWB Transit.
He parked outside the customers house, who lived on a steep hill. He walked in and said the vans buggered because he could only manage 40 MPH on the motorway and it wouldnt pull at all in 5th gear.
So we went outside to investigate, and found the van had vanished!!! We looked down the road/hill just in time to see the van smash into a telephone exchange at the bottom!!
We ran down to make sure noone was hurt and found the rear wheels were very warm and smelled burnt! The van survived with a large dent and a broken bumper that was it!!!- the telephone exchange was fooked!!!
Turns out he drove all the way with the handbrake on!! Needless to say he got bo!!ocked by the boss!!!

But, his bad luck didnt stop there-
That night with the transit fully laidened, he decided to take the van home Because he was running late to meet his Girlfriend, or something. So he parked it on his drive, and jumped straight into his car parked just in front of the van, only to see in his mirror, the van rolling off his drive down the street....again!!!
So rather than getting the keys out of his pocket and trying to jump in,- panic'd- and he thought he could stop it himself by using his pathetic 9stone puny body against the momentum of the fully loaded-LWB High-top Transit on a slight incline. He failed and had to leap out of the way before he got squished between the van and his neighbours wall which did eventually stop it-after smashing a couple of windows in the passenger door, and destroying most of the nearside of the van (and the wall)!!!

When I saw him the next day, and asked him what he did this time, he insisted it wasnt his fault, and that he had left it in gear, He said he had even taken pictures on his phone of the interior of the van, while parked on his driveway in gear and with the handbrake on....... sadly he hadn't noticed the broken glass and some broken bits of brick on the passenger seat. Obviously took the pics after totaling the van......

[WOODY72]

A bloke with parkinsons came in to work the other day to get his wheels balanced, i thought what a waste of money!

[pedro]

Sorry............. didnt mean to write an essay lol

[pedro]

A bloke with parkinsons came in to work the other day to get his wheels balanced, i thought what a waste of money!

Lol! Reminds me, I once fitted a kitchen for a blind guy who had a Guide dog called 'Dave' ()- Must admit, i was tempted to put his old one back in just slightly differently......

[Roadrunner]

When I was at college, I worked part-time in a garage (used car sales, coachworks). I was talking to the senior bodywork guy one day when he asked his apprentice to go up to the corner shop and buy him a bridie (Scottish meat pastry) for his lunch. The apprentice asked, "What if they don't have any bridies?" The boss said, "Just get me something else then!" The apprentice came back with a pack of 20 cigarettes! ... and the boss didn't smoke!

[martin_y]

I was in the pub the other day when a couple ordered a meal, & two black coffee's with milk???

That *sort* of makes sense - perhaps they wanted to be sure NOT to get a Latte.

I used to drink Lime juice and Lemonade - I lost count of the No of times I was given Lime and Soda - they DONT LISTEN !

[BillHardy]

I shouldn't say this realy but it's the truth.My wife once said that she bought a certain brand of margarine because it was rich in polystyrene